Learning to say NO is one of the most valuable lessons we have learned on our financial journey.
Although it is a skill that was not easy to develop, it is one we are are very grateful for. Being unable to say No was is one of the factors that contributed to our debt load.
Growing up, we were taught the needs of elders, our family and the community took precedence over our personal needs. Saying No is often times perceived as being selfish, negative or ungrateful. And thus, guilt often sets in when we place our needs before those of others.
Needless to say, as Africans, the love we have for our family can often times lead us to make irrational emotional financial decisions.
The first thing we had to do was admit to ourselves that our inability to choose us over others was causing us financial problems. When we read Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, we realized that sometimes when we say Yes to others , we are saying No to ourselves. By so doing, we are unable to make our dreams possible.
It is our responsibility to say no to the things that are keeping us from our goals and it is our right to say Yes to the life we want to live.
Next we had to find ways to minimize the damage it was doing to our financial life. That meant developing the ability to say no.
Here are 5 tips to help you say NO and protect your financial dream
Be honest. Lies can turn to guilt.— “I’d love to help, but financially, this it really not a good time for us”
Be direct but polite. Thank the person for the request or for thinking of about you.— “Thank you for thinking about me to be your bridesmaid, I’m unable to make that commitment right now. If things change, I’d keep you updated”.
Do not prolong the request. It will increase your stress and make the situation more awkward. ——Don’t tell them “ I’d think about it” when you do not plan to. Unless you plan on may be talking it over with someone, for instance your spouse.
Practice saying No.
Consider your self worth and your dreams with every request. Remember every time you say yes, you are saying No to something else. —— “What a great idea! Unfortunately, my family’s budget is maxed out at this time. Maybe next time.”
Learning to say “No” to others will allow you bring your dreams to fruition. The quest for financial independence should not alienate you from your loved ones; both can co-exist.
Finding that balance can be challenging but it is possible. Find what works for YOU.